Articles (because a lot of us don’t have time to read whole books):

• A couple of Emily Nagoski’s books are below, and this is a very worthwhile shorter read about challenging the “desire imperative” by centering pleasure: “The Biggest Myth about Desire in Long-Term Relationships” in 2024 for The Guardian

• “The Trauma of Being Alive,” a 2013 NYT opinion piece by Mark Epstein

• An often overlooked effect of trauma: “What is a ‘sense of foreshortened future?’ A phenomenological study of trauma, trust, and time,” by Matthew Ratcliffe et al for Frontiers in Psychology (2014)

• Exploring the Western capitalist attitude toward “unearned pleasure” through the lens of Brené Brown’s theory of shame resilience: “How to Build Resilience to Shame,” by Joaquín Andrés Selva in 2022 for YES! Magazine

• “America Has a Drinking Problem,” by Kate Julian in 2021 for The Atlantic

Books (if you can):

• Before there was The Body Keeps the Score, there was this seminal book that helped define PTSD, validated war combat as a traumatic experience, and then put sexual assault and domestic abuse on the level of war trauma: Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence--from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror by Jewish, feminist psychiatrist Judith Lewis Herman, MD (1992)

• A couple of titles by the fantastic Emily Nagoski, seconded by clients and colleagues: Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle (2019) and Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life (2015/2021)

• When you aren’t sure if you “really” experienced “abuse” from a parent, but you know something was very wrong: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay Gibson (2015)

• Preferred by a client for being more gender-neutral and non-heteronormative than other books about the relational impact of ADHD: Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.: Stopping the Roller Coaster When Someone You Love Has Attention Deficit Disorder by Gina Pera (2008)

• Not just for those interested in or already practicing nonmonogamy, as the first third of the book is an excellent general primer on attachment theory and styles: Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy by Jessica Fern (2020)

• An “exploration of untraditional relationships” and some food for thought if you’ve ever felt like the mainstream blueprint of date-become exclusive-cohabitate-marry-have children isn’t for you: Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator: Uncommon Love and Life by Amy Gahran (2017)

• Lack of jealousy is not a prerequisite for practicing ethical/consensual nonmonogamy, only learning how to manage it: The Jealousy Workbook: Exercises and Insights for Managing Open Relationships by Kathy Labriola (2013)

• It might be a children’s book, but the client who recommended it says it’s a beautiful book about grief that’s for all ages: Everywhere, Still: A Book about Loss, Grief, and the Way Love Continues by M.H. Clark (2023)

• So many clients are grappling with finding purpose and fulfillment, and one such client recommends this story: Raising the Bar: Integrity and Passion in Life and Business: The Story of Clif Bar Inc. by Gary Erickson (2006)

• The Ultimate Stay-at-Home Dad: Your Essential Manual for Being an Awesome Full-Time Father by Shannon Carpenter (2021)

• The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity by Julia Cameron (25th anniversary edition, 2016) and complementary online course

“You are unquestionably special and utterly human like everyone else. You are doing your best, and you can do better.” —KRS (with a hefty dose of DBT)

Instagram accounts (for the even more time-crunched):

• Julie Menanno, LMFT, author of Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime (2024) @thesecurerelationship

• Dr. Michaela, a therapist who “helps sensitive, ambitious women stop overthinking” @myeasytherapy

• Leanne Yau’s “Polyamory / LGBTQIA+ / AuDHD / Sex Ed” @polyphiliablog

• Evita Lavitaloca Sawyers, author of A Polyamory Devotional: 365 Daily Reflections for the Consensually Nonmonogamous (2023) @lavitaloca34

• Sam’s “queer kinky polyamory education” @shrimpteeth and Shrimp Teeth

• Dr. Ayesha Khan, “ecologist & healer decolonizing medicine, building community care” @wokescientist

Odds and ends:

• Dr. Tim Lomas’ Positive Lexicography Project, “an evolving index of ‘untranslatable’ words related to well-being from across the world's languages”

• The YouTube channel “How to ADHD,” an incredibly valuable deep dive into myriad aspects of ADHD, including “rejection sensitivity” and how ADHD often presents differently in women

• A client swears by this Emotions Compass by metaFox, but if you want a free resource to develop your feeling-words vocabulary, Google “feelings wheel” for several other options

• National Coalition for Sexual Freedom’s directory of Kink Aware Professionals

• #igotout, whose mission is “to inspire survivors of high-demand environments who have experienced cultic, religious, or spiritual abuse to tell and share their stories--if and when it's safe to do so”

• Grey Tanner’s podcast “the luminous slow,” “a space where we explore what it means to live our nature--vibrant, multidimensional, attuned, creative--in collaboration with nature”

• DBT Self Help, where I often direct clients for material to supplement sessions